How to Address a Judge in Ontario Family Court

Why How You Address the Judge Matters

If you’ve never been to court before, you’re probably wondering what to actually call the judge, how to speak to them, and what happens if you say the wrong thing.

The way you communicate with the judge affects how they perceive you. Speaking respectfully and clearly shows you take your case seriously and understand the process. It also helps the judge understand your position, which is ultimately what you want.

The rules are simpler than most people expect. This guide covers everything about addressing and communicating with a judge in Ontario family court.

The Proper Form of Address: “Your Honour”

In Ontario family court, the correct way to address the judge is “Your Honour.” This applies whether the judge is a man or a woman, and regardless of which level of court you’re in (the Ontario Court of Justice or the Ontario Superior Court of Justice).

Here are some examples of how to use it naturally:

“Your Honour, I would like to explain my position on custody.”
“Thank you, Your Honour.”
“Your Honour, I have the documents here if you would like to see them.”
“I respectfully disagree, Your Honour, and here is why.”

What NOT to Call the Judge

Avoid the following:

“Judge” – While not deeply offensive, it’s not the proper form of address in Ontario courts.
“Sir” or “Ma’am” – Too informal for a courtroom setting.
“My Lord” or “My Lady” – This was used historically in some Canadian courts but is no longer standard practice in Ontario.
The judge’s first or last name – Never address a judge by name.

If you accidentally use the wrong term, don’t panic. Simply correct yourself and move on. Judges understand that self-represented litigants may not be familiar with all the formalities, and a minor slip won’t count against you.

When to Speak and When to Listen

One of the biggest challenges for self-represented litigants is knowing when it’s their turn to speak. Here’s a clear breakdown.

When You Should Speak

When the judge asks you a question. Answer directly and concisely.
When the judge gives you the floor. The judge will usually say something like “Go ahead” or “You may proceed” or “What is your position on this?” That’s your signal to speak.
When it’s your turn to present your case. In most proceedings, each party gets a chance to present their side. The applicant (the person who started the case) usually goes first, followed by the respondent.

When You Should Stay Silent

When the other party is speaking. No matter how much you disagree or how inaccurate their statements are, don’t interrupt. You’ll get your turn to respond.
When the judge is speaking. Listen carefully. The judge may be giving you important directions, sharing their assessment of the case, or making a ruling.
When the court clerk is speaking. The clerk handles administrative matters and may call your case or give instructions.

When in doubt, stay quiet and wait. The judge will tell you when it’s your turn.

How to Present Your Case Clearly

When it’s your turn to speak, get to the point. Judges hear many cases every day, and they appreciate litigants who are organized and concise.

1. Start with What You’re Asking For

Begin by clearly stating the outcome you want. For example:

“Your Honour, I am asking for sole custody of my two children, ages 5 and 8.”
“Your Honour, I am requesting that child support be set at the table amount based on the respondent’s income of $65,000.”
“Your Honour, I am asking that the current access schedule be changed to alternate weekends.”

Starting with your request gives the judge a framework for understanding everything else you say.

2. Present the Facts

After stating what you want, explain why you’re asking for it. Stick to the facts: what happened, when it happened, and why it matters to the issue at hand.

Use specific dates and details rather than vague statements.
Refer to documents or evidence you’ve filed (“As shown in paragraph 12 of my affidavit…”).
Focus on facts that are relevant to the legal issue, not personal grievances.

3. Be Concise

Judges value brevity. Say what you need to say and stop. Repeating the same point multiple times doesn’t make it stronger; it makes the judge tune out.

If you’ve made your point clearly, move on to the next one.

4. Stay Organized

If you have multiple points to make, organize them logically. You might say:

“Your Honour, I have three points I would like to make. First… Second… Third…”

This helps the judge follow your argument and shows that you’ve prepared.

How to Object Respectfully

There may be times during proceedings when the other party says something that’s factually wrong, irrelevant, or unfair. You have the right to raise this with the judge, but you need to do it respectfully.

How to Raise a Concern

Wait until the other party has finished speaking (don’t interrupt).
Stand up and address the judge.
Calmly explain your concern.

Here are examples of respectful ways to respond:

“Your Honour, I would like to respond to that point. The facts are actually…”
“Your Honour, with respect, that is not accurate. I have documentation showing…”
“Your Honour, I don’t believe that issue is relevant to what we are here to discuss today.”

What NOT to Do

Don’t shout “That’s a lie!” or “Objection!” This isn’t a television courtroom drama.
Don’t address the other party directly. Always speak to the judge.
Don’t make personal attacks. Focus on the facts, not the person.
Don’t argue with the judge’s ruling. If you disagree, you can note your disagreement respectfully, but continued arguing won’t change the judge’s mind and may damage your credibility.

Common Phrases That Are Useful in Court

Having a few standard phrases ready can help you feel more confident. Here are some that self-represented litigants commonly use:

“Your Honour, may I respond?” Use this when you want to address something the other party said.
“Your Honour, I would like to refer to my affidavit at paragraph…” Use this to point the judge to specific evidence.
“Your Honour, I am not sure I understand. Could you please explain?” Use this if the judge uses a legal term or gives a direction you don’t follow.
“Your Honour, I would like to request a brief recess.” Use this if you need a moment to collect your thoughts or review a document.
“Thank you, Your Honour.” Use this whenever the judge makes a ruling, gives you information, or finishes addressing you.
“Those are my submissions, Your Honour.” Use this when you’ve finished presenting your case.
“I reserve the right to respond, Your Honour.” Use this if you want to ensure you get a chance to reply to the other party’s arguments.

What to Do If You’re Confused

It’s completely normal to feel lost during court proceedings, especially if you’re representing yourself for the first time. Here’s what to do:

Ask the judge to clarify. There’s no shame in saying “Your Honour, I am not sure I understand. Could you explain that in simpler terms?” Judges would rather you ask than proceed without understanding.
Ask the court clerk. For procedural questions (where to file a document, when to come back, which form to use), the court clerk is your best resource.
Take notes. Write down anything the judge says that you need to follow up on, including deadlines, documents to file, and next court dates.
Request a recess. If you’re feeling overwhelmed and need a few minutes to regroup, you can politely ask the judge for a short break.
Visit the courthouse help centre. Many Ontario courthouses have a Family Law Information Centre (FLIC) where duty counsel (free lawyers) can answer basic questions and help you understand what just happened.

Preparing Your Submissions in Advance

One of the best things you can do as a self-represented litigant is prepare what you want to say before you get to court. Here’s how:

Write out your key points. You don’t need to write a script, but having bullet points ensures you don’t forget anything important.
Organize your documents. Put everything in a binder or folder with tabs. Number your pages. Know exactly where each document is so you can find it quickly when the judge asks.
Anticipate the other side’s arguments. Think about what the other party is likely to say and prepare your responses in advance.
Practise out loud. Saying your points out loud, even just to yourself at home, helps you feel more natural and confident in court.
Time yourself. If you know you have limited time (for example, at a case conference or motion), practise fitting your key points into that time frame.

Quick Reference: Communicating with the Judge

Address the judge as “Your Honour”
Stand when speaking to the judge
Speak only when it’s your turn
Be clear, concise, and organized
Start with what you’re asking for, then explain why
Never interrupt the judge or the other party
Respond to disagreements respectfully through the judge
Ask for clarification if you don’t understand
Say “Thank you, Your Honour” often
Prepare your points and documents in advance

This content is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for legal advice. If you need legal assistance, please consult a licensed lawyer.

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