Courtroom Etiquette: How to Behave in Ontario Family Court
Why Courtroom Etiquette Matters
Walking into a courtroom for the first time is nerve-wracking, especially if you're representing yourself. You might not know when to stand, how to talk to the judge, or what's actually allowed.
How you behave in court matters. Judges notice everything. Being respectful, prepared, and composed shows you take the process seriously. Rude behaviour, interruptions, or a lack of preparation can hurt your credibility, even if your case is strong.
General Behaviour Rules
These rules apply every time you step into an Ontario courtroom:
- Be on time. Arrive at least 15 to 30 minutes early. Check in with the court clerk and find out which courtroom you need. Being late can result in your matter being adjourned or decided without you.
- Turn off your phone. Phones must be on silent or off completely. Ringing phones disrupt proceedings and won't be tolerated. In many courtrooms, you can't use your phone at all, not even for texting or scrolling.
- No food or drinks. Water in a clear bottle is usually fine, but no coffee cups, snacks, or gum.
- No hats or sunglasses. Remove hats, hoods, and sunglasses before entering the courtroom. Religious head coverings are an exception.
- Speak only when it's your turn. Don't interrupt the judge, the other party, or their lawyer. You'll be given your opportunity to speak.
- Keep your emotions in check. Family court deals with deeply personal issues, and it's natural to feel angry, frustrated, or upset. But outbursts, eye-rolling, sighing loudly, or making faces won't help your case. Stay calm at all times.
When to Stand and When to Sit
Standing and sitting protocol can be confusing if you've never been to court before. Here's a simple breakdown:
- Stand when the judge enters or leaves the courtroom. The court clerk will usually announce the judge's arrival by saying something like "All rise" or "Order in court." Everyone stands until the judge is seated and tells you to sit down.
- Stand when you're speaking to the judge. Any time you're addressing the judge directly, whether you're answering a question, making a statement, or presenting your case, you should be on your feet.
- Sit when the other party is speaking. While the other side is presenting their case or their lawyer is talking, stay seated and listen quietly.
- Stand when the judge is giving a decision or order. If the judge is delivering a ruling, stand as a sign of respect.
If you're not sure whether to stand or sit, watch what others in the courtroom are doing and follow their lead. The court clerk can also guide you.
How to Address and Speak to the Judge
Knowing how to properly address the judge, what phrases to use, and how to respond when you're spoken to is a big part of courtroom etiquette. We've put together a full guide on this topic: How to Address a Judge in Ontario Family Court. It covers everything from the correct title to use, to tips on speaking clearly and concisely when it's your turn.
Phone and Electronics Rules
Different courthouses have slightly different rules about electronics, but here are the general guidelines:
- Phones on silent. No exceptions. If your phone rings during proceedings, it will be noticed.
- No recording. You're not allowed to record court proceedings. No audio, no video, no photos. Violating this rule can result in being held in contempt of court.
- Laptops and tablets. In some courtrooms, you may be allowed to use a laptop or tablet to reference your notes. Ask the court clerk before proceedings begin if you're unsure.
- No social media. Don't post about your court proceedings on social media while you're in the courthouse. Be very careful about posting anything about your family court case online at any time. It can be used against you.
What NOT to Do in Court
Beyond the basics, here are specific behaviours that will hurt your credibility:
- Don't interrupt. This is the number one mistake self-represented litigants make. Wait your turn, even if the other party is saying something you strongly disagree with. You'll get your chance to respond.
- Don't speak to the other party directly. All communication goes through the judge. Even if the other party says something provocative, don't turn to them and respond. Address the judge instead.
- Don't make personal attacks. Calling the other party names, bringing up irrelevant personal matters, or being vindictive won't impress the judge. Stick to the facts and the legal issues.
- Don't bring an audience. Courtrooms are generally open to the public, but bringing a group of friends or family to "support" you can backfire. It can feel intimidating to the other party and create unnecessary tension.
- Don't coach or signal. If you have a support person in the gallery, don't pass notes, whisper, or signal to them during proceedings.
Bringing Children to Court
Don't bring your children to family court. Family court proceedings often involve sensitive discussions about custody, parenting, and finances that children shouldn't hear. Judges take a very dim view of parents who bring their children to court.
If childcare is a barrier to attending, here are some options:
- Ask a family member or friend to watch your children
- Check if the courthouse has a childcare program (some do)
- Contact your local community legal clinic for resources
- Ask the court clerk if accommodations can be made
Managing Stress and Emotions
Family court is stressful. You're dealing with issues that affect your children, your finances, and your future. It's natural to feel overwhelmed.
Here are some strategies to help you stay composed:
- Prepare thoroughly. The more prepared you are, the more confident you'll feel. Review your documents, practise what you want to say, and know your key points.
- Breathe. If you feel yourself getting emotional, take a slow, deep breath before responding. It's okay to pause for a moment to collect your thoughts.
- Bring water. Having water to sip can calm your nerves and give you a moment to think before responding.
- Focus on your children. Remember why you're there: to get the best outcome for your kids. That mindset can help you stay focused and avoid getting drawn into personal conflicts.
- Take notes. Writing things down gives your hands something to do, helps you stay focused, and ensures you remember important details.
- Ask for a break if you need one. If you're feeling overwhelmed, you can politely ask the judge for a brief recess. Judges generally understand that self-represented parties may need a moment.
Quick Reference: Courtroom Etiquette Checklist
- Arrive 15 to 30 minutes early
- Dress professionally
- Phone on silent or off
- No food, gum, hats, or sunglasses
- Stand when the judge enters, leaves, or speaks to you
- Address the judge as "Your Honour"
- Speak only when it's your turn
- Be honest, concise, and respectful
- Never interrupt
- Don't bring children
- No recording of any kind
- Keep emotions in check
Disclaimer: This content is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for legal advice. If you need legal assistance, please consult a licensed lawyer.
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How to Address a Judge in Ontario Family Court
Why How You Address the Judge Matters
If you've never been to court before, you're probably wondering what to actually call the judge, how to speak to them, and what happens if you say the wrong thing.
The way you communicate with the judge affects how they perceive you. Speaking respectfully and clearly shows you take your case seriously and understand the process. It also helps the judge understand your position, which is ultimately what you want.
The rules are simpler than most people expect. This guide covers everything about addressing and communicating with a judge in Ontario family court.
The Proper Form of Address: "Your Honour"
In Ontario family court, the correct way to address the judge is "Your Honour." This applies whether the judge is a man or a woman, and regardless of which level of court you're in (the Ontario Court of Justice or the Ontario Superior Court of Justice).
Here are some examples of how to use it naturally:
- "Your Honour, I would like to explain my position on custody."
- "Thank you, Your Honour."
- "Your Honour, I have the documents here if you would like to see them."
- "I respectfully disagree, Your Honour, and here is why."
What NOT to Call the Judge
Avoid the following:
- "Judge" – While not deeply offensive, it's not the proper form of address in Ontario courts.
- "Sir" or "Ma'am" – Too informal for a courtroom setting.
- "My Lord" or "My Lady" – This was used historically in some Canadian courts but is no longer standard practice in Ontario.
- The judge's first or last name – Never address a judge by name.
If you accidentally use the wrong term, don't panic. Simply correct yourself and move on. Judges understand that self-represented litigants may not be familiar with all the formalities, and a minor slip won't count against you.
When to Speak and When to Listen
One of the biggest challenges for self-represented litigants is knowing when it's their turn to speak. Here's a clear breakdown.
When You Should Speak
- When the judge asks you a question. Answer directly and concisely.
- When the judge gives you the floor. The judge will usually say something like "Go ahead" or "You may proceed" or "What is your position on this?" That's your signal to speak.
- When it's your turn to present your case. In most proceedings, each party gets a chance to present their side. The applicant (the person who started the case) usually goes first, followed by the respondent.
When You Should Stay Silent
- When the other party is speaking. No matter how much you disagree or how inaccurate their statements are, don't interrupt. You'll get your turn to respond.
- When the judge is speaking. Listen carefully. The judge may be giving you important directions, sharing their assessment of the case, or making a ruling.
- When the court clerk is speaking. The clerk handles administrative matters and may call your case or give instructions.
When in doubt, stay quiet and wait. The judge will tell you when it's your turn.
How to Present Your Case Clearly
When it's your turn to speak, get to the point. Judges hear many cases every day, and they appreciate litigants who are organized and concise.
1. Start with What You're Asking For
Begin by clearly stating the outcome you want. For example:
- "Your Honour, I am asking for sole custody of my two children, ages 5 and 8."
- "Your Honour, I am requesting that child support be set at the table amount based on the respondent's income of $65,000."
- "Your Honour, I am asking that the current access schedule be changed to alternate weekends."
Starting with your request gives the judge a framework for understanding everything else you say.
2. Present the Facts
After stating what you want, explain why you're asking for it. Stick to the facts: what happened, when it happened, and why it matters to the issue at hand.
- Use specific dates and details rather than vague statements.
- Refer to documents or evidence you've filed ("As shown in paragraph 12 of my affidavit...").
- Focus on facts that are relevant to the legal issue, not personal grievances.
3. Be Concise
Judges value brevity. Say what you need to say and stop. Repeating the same point multiple times doesn't make it stronger; it makes the judge tune out.
If you've made your point clearly, move on to the next one.
4. Stay Organized
If you have multiple points to make, organize them logically. You might say:
"Your Honour, I have three points I would like to make. First... Second... Third..."
This helps the judge follow your argument and shows that you've prepared.
How to Object Respectfully
There may be times during proceedings when the other party says something that's factually wrong, irrelevant, or unfair. You have the right to raise this with the judge, but you need to do it respectfully.
How to Raise a Concern
- Wait until the other party has finished speaking (don't interrupt).
- Stand up and address the judge.
- Calmly explain your concern.
Here are examples of respectful ways to respond:
- "Your Honour, I would like to respond to that point. The facts are actually..."
- "Your Honour, with respect, that is not accurate. I have documentation showing..."
- "Your Honour, I don't believe that issue is relevant to what we are here to discuss today."
What NOT to Do
- Don't shout "That's a lie!" or "Objection!" This isn't a television courtroom drama.
- Don't address the other party directly. Always speak to the judge.
- Don't make personal attacks. Focus on the facts, not the person.
- Don't argue with the judge's ruling. If you disagree, you can note your disagreement respectfully, but continued arguing won't change the judge's mind and may damage your credibility.
Common Phrases That Are Useful in Court
Having a few standard phrases ready can help you feel more confident. Here are some that self-represented litigants commonly use:
- "Your Honour, may I respond?" Use this when you want to address something the other party said.
- "Your Honour, I would like to refer to my affidavit at paragraph..." Use this to point the judge to specific evidence.
- "Your Honour, I am not sure I understand. Could you please explain?" Use this if the judge uses a legal term or gives a direction you don't follow.
- "Your Honour, I would like to request a brief recess." Use this if you need a moment to collect your thoughts or review a document.
- "Thank you, Your Honour." Use this whenever the judge makes a ruling, gives you information, or finishes addressing you.
- "Those are my submissions, Your Honour." Use this when you've finished presenting your case.
- "I reserve the right to respond, Your Honour." Use this if you want to ensure you get a chance to reply to the other party's arguments.
What to Do If You're Confused
It's completely normal to feel lost during court proceedings, especially if you're representing yourself for the first time. Here's what to do:
- Ask the judge to clarify. There's no shame in saying "Your Honour, I am not sure I understand. Could you explain that in simpler terms?" Judges would rather you ask than proceed without understanding.
- Ask the court clerk. For procedural questions (where to file a document, when to come back, which form to use), the court clerk is your best resource.
- Take notes. Write down anything the judge says that you need to follow up on, including deadlines, documents to file, and next court dates.
- Request a recess. If you're feeling overwhelmed and need a few minutes to regroup, you can politely ask the judge for a short break.
- Visit the courthouse help centre. Many Ontario courthouses have a Family Law Information Centre (FLIC) where duty counsel (free lawyers) can answer basic questions and help you understand what just happened.
Preparing Your Submissions in Advance
One of the best things you can do as a self-represented litigant is prepare what you want to say before you get to court. Here's how:
- Write out your key points. You don't need to write a script, but having bullet points ensures you don't forget anything important.
- Organize your documents. Put everything in a binder or folder with tabs. Number your pages. Know exactly where each document is so you can find it quickly when the judge asks.
- Anticipate the other side's arguments. Think about what the other party is likely to say and prepare your responses in advance.
- Practise out loud. Saying your points out loud, even just to yourself at home, helps you feel more natural and confident in court.
- Time yourself. If you know you have limited time (for example, at a case conference or motion), practise fitting your key points into that time frame.
Quick Reference: Communicating with the Judge
- Address the judge as "Your Honour"
- Stand when speaking to the judge
- Speak only when it's your turn
- Be clear, concise, and organized
- Start with what you're asking for, then explain why
- Never interrupt the judge or the other party
- Respond to disagreements respectfully through the judge
- Ask for clarification if you don't understand
- Say "Thank you, Your Honour" often
- Prepare your points and documents in advance
This content is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for legal advice. If you need legal assistance, please consult a licensed lawyer.
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What to Wear to Family Court in Ontario: A Practical Guide
Why Your Appearance Matters in Court
Does it really matter what you wear to court? It does.
Nobody's going to remove you from the courtroom for a bad outfit, but your appearance sends a message. Dressing appropriately shows the judge you take the process seriously and that you respect the court. Judges start forming an impression the moment you walk in.
You don't need to buy an expensive suit. You just need to look neat, professional, and conservative.
Recommended Clothing
The standard you're aiming for is business casual to business professional. Think about how you'd dress for a job interview at an office.
For Women
- A blouse or button-down shirt with dress pants or a knee-length skirt
- A simple dress in a solid, neutral colour
- A blazer or cardigan over a modest top
- Closed-toe shoes, either flats or low heels
- Minimal, understated jewellery
For Men
- A collared shirt (button-down or polo) with dress pants or khakis
- A suit and tie if you have one, but it's not required
- A blazer with a clean shirt
- Dress shoes or clean, polished casual shoes
- A belt
For Everyone
- Neutral, solid colours work best: navy, black, grey, white, beige
- Clean, pressed, wrinkle-free clothing
- Clothes that fit well, not too tight and not too loose
- Modest necklines and hemlines
What NOT to Wear
Avoid these. They'll make a poor impression:
- Jeans. Even "nice" jeans are too casual for court.
- T-shirts, tank tops, or crop tops. Anything too casual or revealing won't work.
- Shorts or very short skirts. Keep hemlines at or below the knee.
- Flip-flops, sandals, or athletic shoes. Wear closed-toe shoes.
- Hats, hoods, or sunglasses. Remove them before entering the courtroom. Religious head coverings are always permitted.
- Clothing with logos, slogans, or graphics. Keep it plain and professional.
- Heavy perfume or cologne. Courtrooms are enclosed spaces, and strong scents can be distracting.
- Excessive jewellery or accessories. Keep it simple and understated.
- Athletic wear, leggings, or sweatpants. Even if they're comfortable, they're too informal.
Business Casual vs. Business Professional: What's the Difference?
If you've heard both terms and aren't sure which applies to court, here's a quick breakdown.
Business Casual (Minimum Standard for Court)
- Collared shirt or blouse
- Dress pants, khakis, or a modest skirt
- Clean shoes (no sneakers)
- No tie required
Business Professional (Ideal for Court)
- Suit and tie (men) or a tailored dress/suit (women)
- Dress shoes
- More polished overall
Either level is appropriate for Ontario family court. If you've got a suit, wear it. If you don't, business casual is perfectly fine. The key is looking neat, clean, and put-together.
Practical Tips for Court Day
Beyond choosing the right outfit, here are some things people often overlook:
- Wear comfortable shoes. You may be at the courthouse for several hours. You could be standing, walking between courtrooms, or waiting in hallways. Pick shoes you can wear all day without pain.
- Dress in layers. Courthouses can be unpredictable. Some courtrooms are cold, others are warm. A blazer or cardigan you can take off gives you flexibility.
- Check the weather. If it's raining or snowing, bring a change of shoes or wear boots you can swap out at the courthouse. Walking into court in soggy shoes isn't ideal.
- Iron or steam your clothes the night before. Wrinkled clothing looks sloppy, even if it's the right kind of clothing. Take a few minutes to press your outfit the evening before your court date.
- Try on your outfit in advance. Make sure everything still fits well and looks right. You don't want to discover a missing button or a too-tight waistband on the morning of your court date.
Grooming and Personal Presentation
Your grooming matters just as much as your clothing. Keep it simple:
- Hair: Clean and neatly styled. It doesn't need to be elaborate, just tidy.
- Facial hair: If you have a beard, make sure it's trimmed and neat.
- Nails: Clean and trimmed.
- Makeup: If you wear makeup, keep it natural and understated.
- Hygiene: Shower, use deodorant, brush your teeth. These basics matter, especially in a small courtroom where you're sitting close to others.
What to Bring
While we're on the topic of preparation, here's a checklist of what to bring with you to court:
- All your court documents, organized in a folder or binder, with tabs if possible
- Extra copies. Bring at least two extra copies of any document you plan to reference (one for the judge, one for the other party).
- A notepad and pen for taking notes during the proceedings
- A bottle of water in a clear container
- Your identification, specifically government-issued photo ID
- A watch, since you may not be able to use your phone to check the time
- Snacks for the wait. Eat them outside the courtroom during breaks, not inside.
Key Takeaways
- Dress in business casual or business professional clothing
- Stick to neutral, solid colours
- Avoid jeans, t-shirts, shorts, flip-flops, and anything with logos or slogans
- Remove hats and sunglasses before entering the courtroom
- Wear comfortable shoes and dress in layers
- Pay attention to grooming. Be clean and neat.
- Prepare your outfit and documents the night before
The goal isn't to look wealthy or fashionable. It's to look respectful, prepared, and professional. You want the judge focused on your case, not your clothing.
This content is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for legal advice. If you need legal assistance, please consult a licensed lawyer.
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